Signs of loved ones – Are you seeing them?
People tell me they can’t see signs from their loved ones gone before them or from God…
I think when we are so lost and searching so hard, in the depth of our pain, it is easy to overlook the signs. They are all around us. They come from our connection with all that is. For me the signs can come as a silly song my mother used to play on the record player, that just popped into my head as I was getting dressed one day, I was stressed out and cranky about going to work. The song kept playing and playing in my mind until I finally realized it was my mother saying hello, and to remember to laugh. When I said OK mom, I get it, I need to lighten up! Then the song faded away as I remembered fun times with my mother, and had the feeling that she was happy and at peace on the other side.
I also have a “prayer” plant that I was given at Brandon’s funeral. This plant has lived even when I have neglected it, and thrives. It blooms on the anniversary of his birth and death, and on times when I need some loving encouragement on tough days. It is his way of showing me that our love will never die. I can feel his love radiate off the leaves when tending to it, and can focus on it when I need to move past a block in my writing. This last Thanksgiving was a hard one for me, I was at the edge of tears all day. My husband works graveyards so he was sleeping, and I was quietly working on the computer. My children were in Dallas and Italy, and friends we had shared dinner with on other years had other arrangements. So it was truly an empty nest. When I finally asked out loud why am I so sad today?? The message came thru loud and clear, because I miss All my children, the ones on earth and the ones on the other side. I felt disconnected with all of them, my living children are 26 & 31 so we have had many Thanksgivings without them as a empty nest…so I just did not know why it was so hard this year. I just felt so alone in the quiet. I was standing looking out the window, and turned Brandon’s plant to rotate it, and to my surprise, the side towards the window was in bloom with more flowers than it ever has, they were new, and had just opened. It was like he was right here with me giving me a big hug! I was able to go on with my day with a smile instead of tears, was it a sign? Absolutely!
Sometimes when I am outside I will feel a swirl of wind on a windless day and feel a very peaceful loving moment, are these signs? Absolutely!
In my reaching out to others in grief, it can get tough for me, as I have to open my heart to help others heal. I have learned not to take on others pain, but I do feel it as if it is mine when working with someone. The grief is overwhelming to me at times, and I will ask God/Spirit if this is truly the journey I must take, as it is so hard at times…
The answer comes sometimes instantly! I will get a phone call, or a message on facebook, or an email from someone telling me that I had helped them on their journey. I write from my heart when posting on facebook, and sometimes when responding to one person, it is someone posting behind them that my words help. So the signs are always here, we just have to be open enough to see them!
Below is my original post on Signs from August 17,2010 I am re-posting as I rebuild this website after being hacked.
Recently, I got this message, on a day that was hard for me – as I was writing my convention notes and going back down that part of the journey I don’t like – I received this response to an invite. People tell me they can’t see the signs from their loved ones gone on, or from God… Kinda hard to miss this one. I don’t know why I want to share it with you, maybe it’s more to convince myself all this “stuff” today is really worth it. Somewhere in the middle of talking to advertising people in Dallas, my ebook issues, website stuff… here comes this message.
OK GOD I got it!
Private message on Facebook, a new friend responding to my invite to be friends…..wow………
Hi Sandy,
Thank you so much for reaching out in friendship and support. I’m sorry for the reason we are meeting, but thank you new friend. I have read many articles, books, etc. on what to say to the people who manage to always say the wrong things trying to make me feel better. One of my new dear friends had written a letter to her friends & family when her son died in a horrendous car crash 3 years ago. She has shared the letter with me and lovingly gave me permission to use it for my own friends and family when I was in the very beginning stages of my grief. It helped me a lot, just as I know your book is helping many others who have to deal with the well-meaning things people say.
I am honored to consider you a friend now in this unfortunate exclusive club we have been thrown into.
Love & hugs,
Mickey
* * * * *
I saw an interesting post by someone, who didn’t know I was in “the club” he was commenting on how anything to do with bereaved parents went like “wildfire” across Facebook…if he only knew how much pain there is… I get overwhelmed with the sadness I see at times, so many new to grief, so many asking all the questions I asked so long ago, so much anger…
I do what I can, and private message a lot of friends I see who are crying so loudly for help. I will be speaking at the Bereaved Parents convention in AR in July, and I have rewrote what I want to say many times…hoping to say what is needed to help someone on their journey…
The book I wrote for the support group around the grieving, now I will be talking to the grieving about how I move forward in my daily life, and how I taught my children about death, and of course, how to recover from the comments…
And I am honored to be your friend, and yes I wish it was not for this reason! Hugs!
Sandy
* * * * *
Sandy- Unfortunately, unless you are in “the club” you can’t ever know this kind of pain and devastation. People like you are so necessary to hopefully educate the ones who have been fortunate enough to not join us.
I am actually at the beginning of this terrible journey myself. My daughter Marti joined the angels on November 3, 2009. She was 47 and died of an accidental overdose of prescription drugs. Luckily for me, about two weeks after she died, in a moment of complete desperation and panic I went searching on the internet for some place to help me. At that moment I didn’t want to live any longer and had no idea how I was going to get through it. Marti was my only child and I’ve been divorced since she was a baby so I was completely alone and lost. I was led to this amazing grief site called Otrib. It was 5:00 a.m. and I had no idea what I was doing there. I just posted and wrote my heart out until the panic subsided. I went back a few hours later and there were these wonderful people who had answered my cry for help. I am always completely in awe of the ability of people to reach out and help one another. From that day I made a lot of wonderful friends which then led me to Facebook and more wonderful friends. We all seem to gain our own strength from helping each other. These people are now my “new family”. I’m closer to them than a lot of my friends that I’ve known for years. I have to end 3 friendships so far because of people just not knowing what to do or say with me. One friend after only a month told me I was feeling sorry for myself and that she thought I was smarter than that. Another friend suggested that maybe being so involved with all these grief things was keeping me stuck in the grief.
Your books are so needed. For me, I’ve been lucky enough to know how to search out and find what I need to help myself. I take heart with the others who have walked this path before me when they tell me it will get easier. In fact it has gotten a little easier. I still haven’t had what I would call good days yet, though some days are not as bad as others. So for now those are my good days I suppose. I still haven’t been able to feel joy about anything. It seems like I’m looking at the world with a filter over my eyes. Nothing is bright and sharp any more. I long for the day when the joy will return. I know I am forever changed. I know I will never stop missing my daughter but I do not we will be together again someday. The pain will never go away, but I will learn to manage it and live with it.
Good luck with your speech at the convention. Don’t worry about what you will say. when you get up there, I’m sure the angels will guide you to say what needs to be heard.
Thank you for being who you are, my friend.
Love & hugs,
Mickey
I don’t even know what to respond back with, I’ll do that when I am done wiping tears away.
Sandy
Signs from our loved ones can be as quiet as a whisper on the wind, or they can be as loud as a song in your head, but they are always from the love in your heart! When you stop searching for them, they will be right in front of you!
©SandyBrosam.com 2011
