Look at me ~ I’m standing right beside you.
Grieving In Plain Sight ~ From a loss I can’t undo.
My grief is like the ocean ~ The waves pull me down.
In the depths of my pain ~ I can swim or I can drown
Grieving in Plain Sight!
What do I mean by that?
It is how we live our lives, we have grief over many things, and although we think we hide it well, the grief shows in everything we say and do. Grief is a part of our daily lives. It is an emotional reaction to our environment. We react constantly to emotional triggers. As we move through the emotions of the day, at times we can be overwhelmed. So how do we recover, or maintain composure in public places?
I have lived my entire adult life – Grieving In Plain Sight. I have given birth to 4 children, 2 who walk this earth, and 2 who grew their wings, and passed on from this earth. Every time I leave my house I am in plain sight. I wore a ‘Grief Mask’ to hide my emotions when my pain was so raw and out of control. I needed to do this to stop people from asking me if I was OK. I was broken, and certainly was not OK! The MASK allowed me to pretend I was normal, it was a coping skill. It allowed me to get groceries or supplies without a total meltdown when something triggered my pain.
I had to grow enough thru my grief to learn how to live my life in my present and not in my past. I needed to find joy and happiness again in my everyday life. I had forgotten how to be happy. I had to learn how to align my focus from the overwhelming pain to finding joy and happiness in living in my present. I needed help to empower myself to do this, and with both my websites, it is my passion to help others empower themselves. We all have the choice to allow ourselves to be at peace, to become bigger than the pain. I had to fix myself, no one could do it for me. I share my journey in the hopes that I can inspire others to fix themselves.
Life isn’t about waiting for the emotional storm to pass…
It’s about learning to control the storm while in the rain!
Let’s start with a very simple explanation of emotions. I call them energy in motion. There is no stopping the energy, but we can learn to direct it to a more purposeful or controlled reaction. Emotional triggers can sneak up on us, and certain smells, sights, and sounds can set off a tide of energy that can be hard to control. The chest tightens, the breathing is shallow, and the tears well up in our eyes… We can feel that the tidal wave of emotion is about to overcome us! The turbulent energy of emotion, like the motion of the ocean, is easier to manage when you learn how to surf!
To stop this reaction, we have to learn to breathe slowly, and to talk to ourselves, and tell our bodies to stop using the energy in this manner. We have to tell ourselves that we will not allow this reaction to happen right here, right now. The sub-conscious is very obedient, if you give into the emotional storm, and say to yourself, oh no, here come the tears again, they will come. But if you take the same situation, where you tell yourself, this is painful, but I will get through this without the emotional outburst, I will remain in control and calm, you will!
We need to realize that we are always thinking about things even when we think we are not thinking about anything. Our minds are always working on thoughts that either serve our highest good or limit who we are. We need to know and control what we are thinking, are they thoughts that create limited beliefs and sabotaging behavior? How can we be able to identify what we are thinking?
Simply by being aware and awake to the inner dialogue we are constantly having with ourselves so that we will always know What We Are Thinking – When We Are Thinking IT. Knowing this will allow us to be able to think the kinds of thoughts that will allow us to remain in control.
We are constantly reminded of how fragile life is by the media whether if it’s a high school student dying during a sporting event, a small child hit by a car, or a loved celebrity passing on, or the horrors of Covid. Each instance evokes emotion, and we need to understand the energy it creates to control it. I watch the crowds of people who gather when a well-known person dies. The mourners show great emotion over someone they never personally met. Where does this come from? It comes from everything else in their lives. We drive the energy deep inside through our daily lives, and wait until something allows us the time and space to let it out. So in grieving for a celebrity, we are truly grieving for ourselves, letting out the energy that has been stored deep inside, out of the fear of grieving in plain sight.
Remember, you are in control of your grief. You can choose whether to control the emotions, or to allow them to control you. And when you are in a situation where you must stay in control, you can do that. When the emotional storms come roaring down upon you, chose to control your emotions in the rain, and before you know it the storm has passed. I am not saying I never break down, but I am saying I learned that I can choose when and where to let the pain and tears out.
Leave the Panic Button in your pocket, you are in control now!
When I meet someone who I chose to share my story with, and they are so surprised that my journey has been filled with so much pain, I tell them I have been standing right beside you grieving in plain sight. I choose to walk with positivity, because I spent too many years in the negative darkness.
Sandy’s Blog
Simply talking about grief.
Creating a Positive Attitude
Thoughts and support articles to help to transmute the negative into positive. Thoughts on “what’s the best use of my time?”
Helping Children Process Death
Activities focusing on communication and healthy ways to help your children process death and learn how to grieve..
Anger Management
Sometimes the anger is so strong, we feel like we are angry at the whole world. Anger is an emotion, and I call emotions, energy in motion. The first time I heard that term, it clicked, such a simple explanation to a complex part of my life!
New Relationships After Loss
Grief destroys many relationships and marriages, couples who were not strong rarely make it, as men and women grieve differently.
Understanding the Differences In Men & Women Grieving
Men grieve so very differently than women, it is hard at times to understand the way they process grief. We all have to cut thru the fog to get back to a new normal. There is no right or wrong in grief, but there is a profound difference in how we express ourselves while grieving.
